EP 07: Hayley Herms on Healing Trauma and The Power of Tenacity
Updated: Jun 30
"Don’t forget you deserve everything you ever wanted, but never stop working for it. In your work will lie incredible opportunities, life experiences, and dreams you only thought was true in your wildest fantasies.”
With passion and determination, she broke the record of the show this year 2019. She is a leading plus-size model, singer, songwriter, entrepreneur, and sex symbol and… I will let her tell us more about her projects and her inspiring story.
On This Episode You Will Learn:
About overcoming adversity, setting mental goals, having a support system, becoming a businesswoman, hiring her first assistant, dealing with haters, and much more.
I would just hold on to my dream when the world around me was crumbling. Music was the only fantasy I could live outside my house. I lived in my fantasy land where I was already a star.
My relationship with faith has been a bumpy road. I remember being angry with God asking why wouldn’t he save me, why such an almighty God wouldn’t do anything. Spirituality at that time was pre ‘The Secret’ movie.
When I found Buddhism I thought: this I can relate to, it was love.
When I started standing up, enabling new habits, life started to change. At the end of the day, the common goal is love and understanding.
My favorite quote from Luther King Jr. is ‘Take the first step’
I neglected my music career to focus on modeling. Your clients don’t want to see all your drama on your Instagram but the world has evolved so much in the past few years that I am now nourishing Paradox and promoting it.
If someone were to put a gun to my head and made me choose between modeling and going on tour I would choose to go on tour. But music doesn’t make that much money.
I was the first person to launch a plus-size modeling course. It is one of my biggest successes, being a pioneer in any industry is hard.
Some people want to live a simple and normal life and that’s ok.
I realized the value of my life now after winning Revenge Body.
Being able to go through a full mind-body transformation has transformed how I see my life.
Before my mother passed away I didn’t really value the life that much.
Out of ego, I thought I was cool but after the transformation spiritually, mentally, physically I was like: I am the bomb!
I was walking, dressing, and glowing differently.
As much as we all want to be boss babes and do everything in the world, we can’t. Having Corey as an accountability partner helped me get through the 12 weeks of intense training.
The internet in America is cruel, they will make memes about you or they will see you and want to be like you.
I had no value, no trust, no accountability. After my mum died I had friends who left.
Corey was a representation of the new circle I am attracting.
It’s all about the mental. Corey said before we started it was going to be an emotional reveal.
Because we worked so much on the emotional mental, it took so much stress and pressure off which was also physical that I was carrying, and that helped me lose all the weight I lost.
Fuck what people think, you gotta do this for you. If you do this for someone else quit right now.
Having a positive outlook because things could be much worse. You need to take advantage of your opportunities. Take advantage of anything you want, go at it.
Now, whenever I am hesitating to do something I say 1, 2, 3, just do it. Whatever it is, a horrible phone call, a text I have to send, just one step and I have to fucking do it.
I am one of those people at the gym who are secretly competing with you.
I always tell people, the hustlers, the go-getters, the millionaires, the entrepreneurs, we invest so much. The internet projects a lot these days: you have to be positive, you have to always have a good attitude, you have to be happy, and I think that’s so destructive.
What should be happening is having the conversation of when you are moving into that phase of your life of having the blessings and the gratitude and everything is you have to mourn the past. Part it’s sad, it’s not happy. It’s painful.
My mum had died and 4 months later the world expected me to be the same person I was. My family almost left me homeless, some of my best friends who I thought would be friends until we died ‘peace out’ and it was very odd to me.
I didn’t receive the empathy I had been giving.
Not only did I lose these friends, but also my addictive eating habits. It was like being in drug withdrawal. Coming out of sugar and that much salt…I was shaking.
I had to loose my old personality. I was living my living in fear and I hadn’t realized it.
It is really good for you to go on a period just by yourself and be like: what are the layers that I wanna shed. What are the characteristics that longer serve me or that I have to strengthen?
I almost had to lose everything about me to gain everything I needed.
You want huge things you gotta take huge risks.
I am not a quitter so if I do quit something is because it wasn’t connecting with my soul.
It’s always when you think you are going to give up, that’s when it comes.
Put your best effort for something and know that it takes strength to stay, to leave something or to put something up for later.
Don’t wait until you’ve lost everything until you get harassed or fired. All we can really do is if we go through a rough patch, learn the lessons and you never have to hit rock bottom again. You just keep going up.
Don’t wait to lose things to get abundance, just act abundantly.
No-one is ever gonna call me lazy.
When I posted how much weight I lost in Revenge Body people in the plus-size industry were angry, I got a death threat, I got people telling me I sold out, or people being you always wanted to be skinny just admit it, or you make me feel insignificant now.
There is a difference between ignorant and negative. Even if it’s negative I will always try and respond in a positive way. Negative is feedback that it's valid. Ignorance is blind statements and I just delete them. You can’t fight crazy with crazy. I won’t even look at it.
If there is a negative comment that has a valid opinion I am open to debate.
The biggest motto you can live by in 2019 is: If you are not financing me, or fucking me or feeding me your opinion probably doesn’t matter. Food, money, sex. If you are not contributing to any of those categories I don’t care about your opinion.
You have to ask yourself if they are self projecting if the person has any value to your business or your life. You can let them talk or listen.
If someone is doing or saying something that doesn’t mesh well with your career, your life, or your business, unfollow them in real life. Unsubscribe.
If someone has something bomb to say then tune in, subscribe.
In the early stages, I wish I had more faith in the value of my life. I was the Regina George of high school, if you fucked me over I would make sure everyone knew what you had done.
I wish I had dealt with my anger differently.
I needed to let go, I needed to let my anger go.
I was fighting everything around thinking I was protecting myself. I was projecting this defense mechanism out in the world.
For the past 4, 5 years life has been so much better when I let go of all that anger and trying to make people suffer and pay for what they did.
The key to a thriving life and business is an organisation.
I have to be really organized to avoid having a mental breakdown where I would just sit on the couch starring at the wall.
You have to know yourself better than anyone else. You really need to predict your own needs and be prepared.
I have learned when to ask for help.
Investing in things that help you like PR and negotiation courses.
How many companies, brands, influencers do we support other than ourselves. Imagine if we decided we didn’t need new clothes every month and you took that extra money and put it on Facebook ads. It does make a difference to stretch that penny for your business.
No-one is more deserving of our love, time, money, and affection than ourselves.
There’s time that self-love is not selfish.
Taking care of yourself is how you will build that empire.
You want to live that 1% life but you have the audacity to act like the 99%. Who are you to hate anyone?
You have to get clear of what it is that you want and are you willing to sacrifice to what extent to get that thing.
My personal phrase is: keep it moving.
I have tried to commit suicide. It took me to realize that even though I wanted to end my life the world kept moving.
The world doesn’t stop for anybody. If you stop, that’s when you choose to rob yourself of that potential.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.
Don’t suffer, keep going, keep it moving.
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