EP 33: Uncovering The Core of Your Worth w/Cassandra Solano
Updated: Jun 30
Cassandra is a licensed clinical social worker in California and a conscious relationship coach. She has been counseling since 2006 in various settings from drug treatment to running a large mental health program serving the homeless and formerly incarcerated populations.
She's been in private practice for over a year serving womxn and couples online all over the world to identify how their childhood trauma is impacting their adult relationships to get clarity and the love they want. She is a sober mom of 3 plus one bonus kid, a survivor of childhood emotional abuse, domestic violence, and is remarried after struggling for a decade in her first toxic marriage.
She uses a mind-body-spirit approach in helping her clients and enjoys integrating psychology, neuroscience, and spirituality to help clients transform their lives.
Some Questions I Ask:
- How did you manage to let go of the burden you were carrying from your family, all the pain you took as your own, that feeling of responsibility?
- How do we clear energy from the family system without losing ourselves in the process of facing the truth and darkness of toxic relationships?
- Isn’t this focus on healing and seeing all the trauma from childhood a bit dangerous because we can fall into the trap of building our identity around pain and struggle and justify everything with that? How do we free ourselves from thinking that we are ‘broken’?
On This Episode You Will Learn:
About inner child healing, observing our emotions, triggers in relationships, strengthening the mind-body connection, what’s broken about the mental health system, and much much more.
People wonder, what is my inner child, what does that mean, is it a place inside of me, or is it just something in my imagination?
When we are talking about the inner child we really talking about this part of us that is present no matter how old we grow we all have that pure essence, that being that we were born to be, we came here to be, with unique talents, and skills and abilities, desires, passions, interests, things that bring them joy, ways that they love to create and play and express themselves. Then we are born into these families, certain societies, or you are a person of color, or you are a woman, all these expectations from your family or society.
We all experience trauma in big or small ways that starts to diminish that pure inner child and the inner child may feel that it's not safe to be seen or to express themselves or pretend that they are somebody else to please their parents or their culture or to stay safe into hiding.
The essence of inner child healing is to peel back all those layers of trauma, of expectations, labels, things that people put on us, and we also put on ourselves that are covering that authentic expression of who we really are.
The inner child is where our creativity is, it’s a very powerful place to help us manifest.
Fun ways to connect to our inner child:
- Play is a great place to start.
- Writing a letter to your inner child.
- Looking at a picture of yourself when you were young.
- Speak to the younger version of yourself and share a message or something that you wish you would have heard when you were that age to help them feel supported and healed.
When we have a very strong emotional reaction and we are able to identify what is that deeper childhood wound it can really take a lot of the power out of that immediate emotional response and we are able to turn to the inner child and comfort them with our adult self.
Every emotion that we feel is information from the body. There’s no good or bad emotion, it’s energy, it’s our body trying to communicate with us.
A big part of inner child healing is cultivating a mindfulness practice that may or may not include meditation. More presence, more self awareness. A stronger mind-body connection.
I very wise woman told me: never give anyone unsolicited advice.
When you are going through this process of healing trauma support is key. Positive support systems, safe relationships, where you can also share what’s really going on. They help us from getting overwhelmed or sucked back into those old dynamics.
We are wounded in relationships and we need to heal in relationships.
When we need to treat the person we need to include the soul. It’s not just about the mind, it’s not just about the body. It’s about the spirit has also been impacted.
The first thing to know when we are doing this work is that we need to go slowly, that there’s no rushing this. Our nervous systems don’t like to be rushed. If we start pushing too hard it will contract back even harder and we may feel like we are making progress and then hit with a very big wave of depression or anxiety because we need to slowly expand and contract. Like if we were stretching a rubber band, we don’t wanna pull it too hard too fast or it will snap. If we just keep slowly expanding it and contracting it, two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, over time it will become looser and more flexible, more stretchy.
It’s important to give ourselves time to rest and to integrate. The nervous system needs a break sometimes, sometimes it’s ok to zone out and Netflix and chill or take a vacation.
Staying busy, busy, busy healing, and never stopping to feel or implement to life is another trauma response.
We demonize other people but the root of it is that we don’t have that connection with our self, and our own value and our own worth.
Connect with Cassandra:
If my work is uplifting or assisting you, donations can be made at paypal.me/missfirestar ~ thank you! 😎❤️✨