EP 24: Sex, Porn And Double Morals w/ Cindy Gallop
Updated: Jun 30
Cindy Gallop is the founder and CEO of www.makelovenotporn.com, launched at TED 2009 – ‘Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference’.
In 2013 she turned MakeLoveNotPorn into the world’s first user-generated, human-curated social sex video sharing platform https://www.makelovenotporn.tv/ socializing and normalizing sex in order to make it easier to talk about, to promote consent, communication, good sexual values, and good sexual behavior. MakeLoveNotPorn is spearheading the Social Sex Revolution https://socialsexrevolution.com/ (the revolutionary part isn’t the sex, but the social). Cindy is raising the world’s first sextech fund http://www.alltheskyholdings.com/.
She speaks at conferences globally and consults, describing her approach as ‘I like to blow shit up. I am the Michael Bay of business.’
Some Questions I Ask:
- I watched the documentary at the Mermaid Ranch and Sarah said that:
'The best sex that you can have is the sex that you have with yourself?' What do you think of that statement and how can we extrapolate that to sharing that moment with another person or people since sex is all about the mind and good communication?
- How often should people have sex? Whether they are single or coupled?
- Let’s talk about porn - since you know female porn directors and creators, could you share a couple who are not hardcore not erotic to the point where it's too cheesy? For personal consumption and I’m sure some women in the audience will appreciate it as well.
- How would you have a sex education conversation with a teenager or even a kid who is asking questions because either has seen something online or heard something in school or anywhere in the world? How would you approach that conversation early on?
On This Episode You Will Learn:
About her platform ‘Make Love Not Porn’, porn for women by women, how parents should address the conversation about sex and porn early on, the challenge of having a sex startup, the double standards of the society we live in, talking about sex in everyday conversations for communication breakthroughs and much more.
Don’t look back, you are not going that way!
“Make Love Not Porn” is the world’s first and only user-generated, human-curated, social sex video sharing platform. Kind of what Facebook would be if Facebook allowed you to socially sexually self-express, which it sadly doesn’t. We are socializing sex, making it easier for everybody to talk about openly and honestly, in order to promote consent, communication, good sexual values, and good sexual behavior. We call ourselves the social sex revolution. The revolutionary part is not the sex it’s the social.
Everything about sex comes down to ourselves. Our mission is to take the shame and embarrassment out of sex.
We have defaulted sex to an act, to a thing we do, it’s not, its personality. Who we are sexually informs everything about how we feel about ourselves, our relationships, our lives, our happiness.
When you feel completely at ease with yourself as a sexual being that enables you to have a much better time with any partner you choose.
There are no rules, it is entirely up to you how you choose to express yourself sexually, when, where, how often, etc.
If porn is the Hollywood movie then 'Make Love Not Porn' is the real world documentary. A window into the wonderful, funny, ridiculous, fabulous sex we all have every day in the real world.
I feel very strongly about the fact that we should all be a lot open and healthier about our sexuality because there is nothing at all to be ashamed of in thoroughly enjoying watching porn.
I’m not a fan of the terms feminist porn or porn for women purely because the moment men hear those terms they go: ‘Not for me!’. Those terms marginalize that porn. Men have no idea how hot, arousing, innovative, and creative they would find porn by women for women.
There are four micro-actions that every woman can take to completely transform the porn industry and to make it more feminist:
- The first micro action is very simply: talk publicly about the fact that you enjoy watching porn because it is only when we all do that that the porn industry goes: wow! There’s a gigantic market here ‘cause there are all these women saying that they enjoy watching porn!
- The second micro action I urge women to take is: recommend the porn that you love to your girlfriends.
- Micro action number three and this is specifically for straight women: share the porn you love with your partner.
- Fourth micro action is: create and put out into the world the porn you’d like to see.
Right now it’s really ok to come into the office Monday morning, stand by the water cooler and go: I’m really bored of the restaurant I’ve been eating at, who knows any restaurant?
It is not ok to come in, stand by the water cooler and go: I’m really bored with the porn I’ve been watching, who knows some new porn?
I have been trying for the past six years to raise funding for an expansion of ‘Make Love Not Porn’ into more formalized sex education and it is outrageous that nobody will fund it. My biggest obstacle finding investors is the social dynamic that I call ‘fear of what other people will think’ which operates around sex unlike any other area so if any other listeners know any open-minded investors email firstname.lastname@example.org because Make Love Not Porn Academy is ready to and waiting to be funded.
What I tell parents is:
The very first-time kids ask where babies come from or touch their genitals, the most important thing is not even what you say as much as how you say it. Never get angry, never get embarrassed, never get visibly flustered, never shut them up. Just answer them calmly, straightforwardly honestly and you will open up a channel of communication with them that will be there for them for the rest of their lives.
When you talk to your child about sex you must also talk about porn because the reason I started doing Make Love Not Porn 11 years ago was that I date younger men and I see for myself exactly what happens when because we don’t talk about sex in the real world porn becomes sex education by default and it’s a lot easier to talk to your child about porn when you talk about sex because all you have to do is say some kind of version of what I’m about to say and you dial it up or down depending on the child’s age: So, darling, we just talked about sex and you know how together we watch movies and videos and cartoons where things happen that aren’t real, there are also movies and videos about sex and they are not real either and because of that they can be quite confusing so we’d rather you did not watch them till you’re older but, if anybody ever shows you anything like that or you stumble across it, come and talk to us about it, we can explain.
That’s all you have to say because you’ve then done two very important things: you’ve set up in their minds that when they stumble across porn as they will, it’s not real and you have said to them come and talk to me about it because you want them to come to you and talk about it because what they will stumble across is likely to be traumatizing.
Connect with Cindy:
If my work is uplifting or assisting you, donations can be made at paypal.me/missfirestar ~ thank you! 😎❤️✨